The Dark Room, the brutal yet hysterical choose-your-own-adventure from comedian John Robertson and brought to life by Stirfire Studios, subjects players to an emotionally abusive hate simulator on Steam beginning 20th September.
Based on Robertson’s live standup show and viral video series of the same name (since 2012 the live show has locked hundreds of thousands of players in a brutal puzzle, the videos got 4,000,000 hits in Feb that same year), The Dark Room will feature a brand-new story penned by Robertson in a new labyrinth full of twists, turns, and his signature brand that has been described as a text-based Dark Souls.
As you sit in absolute darkness, a man known only as the Guardian emerges from the shadows. Silver-haired, maddeningly gleeful, and clad in what looks to be glowing… American football…pads…he bellows with a voice dripping with malice: “YOU AWAKE TO FIND YOURSELF IN A DARK ROOM…”
He presents you with a few options: a) Find the light switch. B) Go north. C) Sleep. D) Ask “Why?” Yet each option you choose leads to sarcasm, or worse, death. “You’re in a dark room! You need the light switch to see, do you see?” “You proceed in the direction you believe to be north and straight into the iron spike in front of you . You say hello to Mr. Spike, and he says hello to Mr. Eye…YA DIE! YA DIE! YA DIE!”
His handsome mug, perhaps-insane eyes, and spiteful, taunting voice give the Guardian life through facial motion capture. This cartoony version of him is almost cute, but he still wants to murder you.
The choices the Guardian offers may at first seem unfair, but there’s a twisted logic laying underneath his wicked words. He’s a big jerk that kiiind of wants to kill the player, but keen observational skills (and maybe a hint of absurdity) can win in the end. Sure, you’re most likely to find more abuse from the Guardian or a corpse or two, but we’ve heard tell of fabled good endings somewhere in this mysterious room.
Each death teaches a lesson, albeit one accompanied by the Guardian’s gleeful cheer: “YA DIE! YA DIE! YA DIE!” Get used to hearing that, because many of the games’ more than 600 scenes end with a dark room splattered with blood. But how would you know if the room was covered in crimson? It’s a dark room, and he’ll never let you forget that!
“I came up with The Dark Room because I loved text adventure games as a kid,” said Robertson. “The dread and confusion I felt is missing in gaming today, and now I can force that on gamers at home, as well when they’re in my live crowds.”
Level One of The Dark Room will be available in English on Steam Early Access for PC and Mac? for $13.99, £9.99, €11.99 and $17.99 on September 20th. With future levels slated for release over the next few months.
